Mayuri's experiment
by rolf-hitsugaya
Summary: Mayuri wants to try an experiment, and many people have rejected him. Toshiro, Ichigo, even Aizen! But what happens when Byakuya agrees? Randomness. T for language.


This is a random one shot I did because I had nothing else to do. This is meant to be boring, so please, I'm sry.

XD

I don't own bleach.

* * *

Today was supposed to be a peaceful day for Soul society... until Mayuri Kurotsuchi came along! Yes, our mad scientist has come up with a new experiment and needs a male to test it out. There are many males here, so what's the biggy? WRONG! Are you mad! Mayuri's probably gonna do something to the balls of the man! Anyway, he really wanted to test this out, so he decided to ask Hanatarou.

"Yamada Hanatarou." the freak said.

"Ah!" and he fainted. Mayuri thought he died, so he left him there, as dead people suck at being experimented.

Next he went to 10th division to meet up with Toshiro Hitsugaya.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" he cried out.

"Mayuri, you're not Hinamori. Don't try to con me, and NO! I'm not going to be your test subject!" as Mayuri swung the door open.

"Aw, come on!" as he tried to emulate the puppy dog eyes Hinamori would show him.

"Mayuri, you look more like a sick mutated dog." as he took his sword. "Soten Ni Zase..." as Mayuri sped for the door.

Next, he decided on Ichigo. He always deemed him as an interesting subject, and wanted to try a test*200 TESTS* on him.

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun!" he cried out, just like Inoue's annoying calls.

"URGH! Shut up, Kurosaki-kun, Kurosaki-kun, KUROSAKI-KUN! Do you FUCKING KNOW HOW IT DRIVES ME GODAMN MAD!!! And to you Mayuri, NO!" as he walked away with Rukia.

"Hmmph." as he walked to Renji. We all know what happened.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, that was what happened.

"Ukitake-san, please may I do an experiment on you?'' as he appeared in the 13th division barracks, where Ukitake was sleeping.

"So, you want to torture me right?'' the sickly man said.

"Uh huh..."

"And want to change me right."

"Yea."

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as the dejected captain left. He found it out, as he took out his phone and dialed Karakura town.

"Hello, you are talking to a quincy, and please hang up if you dishonour the pride of a-"

"Fuck your Quincy pride! Will you be my experiment!" he growled.

''Kurotsuchi!? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" as he hung up.

"..."

And he called again.

"Hello." a monotone voice came up.

"Hey, Chad, would you like to be my experiment?"

''...''

"Hello?"

''...'' no answer,so he hung up. He then tried Hueco Mundo.

"Hello?" a joyful voice came up.

"Eh, Gin, can you please please be my test subject?"

"NO! Bye bye!" as he hung up. He dialed again.

"Hello in the name of justice."

"Fuck your justice! Tousen, be my test subject please!"

"You do not hold the way to justice, so I will not."

"..." and Mayuri, for the first time, intentionally hung up.

"Last guy." as he pressed the button.

"Hello, Aizen here, and please leave. If you're Yamamoto and want to kill me, please hang up. If you're Toshiro and hate me for hurting your girlfriend, please hang up. If you're Hinamori and wanting me to come back, please go fuck Toshiro in bed. If you're still Hinamori and want to get revenge, please hand up and get bankai first. Oh wait, someone told me your bankai tells the truth, yikes. If you're Ichigo and hate me for hurting your girlfriends Rukia and Inoue, please hang up. Lastly, if you're Mayuri, the answer is NO!!!!!" as a beep escape the receiver.

"Fuck it. Wait, I found it!" as he sped to the sixth division.

"Byakuya-kun" he cooed.

"Yes?"

"Okay! Thks!" as he grabbed our stonic captain to his lab.

"Done!" as he showed Byakuya the mirror.

"I look the same."

"Look down there."

"Huh? WATTHEFUCK! WHERE ARE MY BALLS!!!!"

* * *

Haha, told you it was stupid, and if you were wondering about the bankai of Hinamori, I predict that somehow, Hinamori's gonna be the key to defeating Aizen and I had a thought that Hinamori's bankai shows the truth, thus making Aizen's Illusion useless. It's good to imagine, after all, revenge is sweet.

And sry for the randomness.

Please forgive me.

And stay tuned to a story soon.


End file.
